Image Copyright Janet Webb
She lay face down in the horse stall among syringes and used condoms, her hair matted and sticky with blood. Monaghan sighed, knelt, snapping his gloves. The stench of unshoveled manure was making his eyes water.
“Need a tissue?”
Monaghan’s badge glinted as he bent over the girl’s body.
“Nah,” he sighed, pushing the girl’s hair to the side. A gold necklace gleamed. Monaghan stared, undid the clasp, pulling it free. A dirt-smeared locket dangled. Monaghan pried it, wincing. His own photo smiled back, arm around the girl’s shoulder.
“Oh god.” Monaghan gulped, blinked. “Sheila…my little girl…” he shuddered, heaving.
© Scriptor Obscura and Scriptor Obscura Writes, All Rights Reserved.
Written for Friday Fictioneers.
Dear Scriptor,
Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I’m guessing that Monaghan’s an investigator or an ME, right? A father’s worst nightmare. I could see this going into a larger work.
thanks for commenting on my story. I’m guessing we have much in common.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Very good piece Scriptor. Some excellent descriptions.
Grief! How awful must that be? You put the scene across really well. Nicely done.
Oh my! How broken he must feel. This is really good writing.
Great writing. I like how Monaghan is very casual about the girl at first, sighing and snapping his gloves, and then he realises who she is. A reminder that everyone is someone’s daughter.
Quite a powerful scene created with the punch in the gut at the end.
So dark! I loved that the reader doesn’t quite know where it’s going at first. Nice work!
Painfully reality. Tragically sad but well written.
Gritty, dark and visceral with a strong twist at the end. Well done! ron
1
Welcome. Dark but well-written.
janet
that would be beyond horrible – but why did he lose touch ?
omg that’s terrifying! a parent’s worst nightmare come to life. very well-written though. great descriptions! well done
Wow. This was a powerful read, and I could easily picture the scene.
No parent should ever have to deal with such a terrible find. You have a great premier piece Scriptor.
So full of various emotions here in so few words — I love it!
Oh wow, this was painful to read. But my, was that opening attention grabbing! And the photo—so much is hidden behind white picket fences. Excellent, horrific piece.
Oh god, that’s horrible.
You set an uncomfortable scene with your descriptions and turned a dark story even darker. Nicely done
This one is so hard to like…do you know what I mean? It is a powerful moment and painful and well written. It makes me want to be extra mindful of each moment with my girls, their precious lives, this precious life.
What a terrible end, and what a shock it must be.. The lump in my stomach will be there for a while.
Not a story I would otherwise choose to read. Well, maybe that’s not true. I read Harlan Coben and John Connolly. Reads as an episode from a bigger tale. It could go in various directions. I want to know the back story. I want to read on. Love the music! Ann
your description put me right in that place.
Wow! Very powerful. It’s amazing how we can all look at the same photo and envision such different stories.
Superb. Well written, very well developed tale.
How terribly heartbreaking. Won’t forget this one.
Very well done. Very sad story, though.
Oh wow. You pulled me in then slapped me in the face. Great piece.
Very good story!
You are the absolute master of the vignette, choice of subjects most provocative & important…
Oh my…